My inspired Capt. look~
"Howdy there, ladies and gents--freaks and geeks of all ages~Are ya tired of life? Depressed? Does your minimum wage job get ya down?Maybe your mama is pissed off that you left her basement door wide open for her favorite dog to shit in. It's easy Jimmy, after you wank one off down there playin' your D&D and Minecraft--you oughta make sure to close that damn door, ya dipshit! Now that ain't too much to ask, is it?
Well, if a firm hand of the law don't scare ya...
Maybe a trip to see my famous murder ride will.
You like blood? You like guts? Does violence get ya off?
Then you oughta take a peek at Captain Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Mad-Men.
We got fish boy, girls who could use a good shave--
Mermaids who'll rip your balls off by the teeth and still born babies stuffed in glass jars.
We got 'em all down here--so you come and visit, ya hear? And while you're at it--take home your mama some of my tasty fried chicken! Just say fuck it and grab yourself a bucket~ Bock Bock!"
